


Tainted Words

by afteriwake



Series: In So Few Words [37]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Beds, Conversations, Established Sherlock Holmes/Molly Hooper, F/M, Fade to Black, Hopeful Ending, I Love You, Inspired by a quote, Light Angst, Mentioned Eurus Holmes, POV Sherlock Holmes, Past Relationship(s), Post-Coital, Post-Episode: s04e03 The Final Problem, Relationship Discussions, Sherlock Holmes Has Feelings, Sherlock Holmes Has a Heart, Sherlock Holmes Loves Molly Hooper, Sherlolly Appreciation Week 2017
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-19
Updated: 2017-05-19
Packaged: 2018-11-02 14:36:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10946550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/afteriwake/pseuds/afteriwake
Summary: Those three words they both know they mean were wrenched out of them that day at Sherrinford, and haven’t been said since by either of them. But tonight, Sherlock will try again.





	Tainted Words

**Author's Note:**

> I see a lot of fics where Sherlock and Molly immediately reavow each other after Sherrinford that they meant the words they said that day that Eurus got them to confess how they felt about each other, but I wondered what it might mean if they didn't? If for some reason they _knew_ it was true but couldn't say the words, even months later? So that's where this fic came from. It was inspired by a quote from Emery Allen (“ _'Do you think the universe fights for souls to be together? Some things are too strange and strong to be coincidences.'_ ”) that Molly uses in the beginning of the fic and was claimed by **agentmalfoy24601** for Sherlolly Spring Fling and is now being written for Day 6 of Sherlolly Appreciation Week 2017 (even though it's technically their second "I love you."

“Do you think the universe fights for souls to be together? Some things are too strange and strong to be coincidences.”

He had never been one for post-coital conversation, but there was something about lying in bed with Molly, holding her close with his nose buried in her hair and his chest pressed against her back or her her head on his chest and his fingers idly running through her hair and along her skin that never made him mind. Sometimes the conversation would be rather delightfully wicked, leading to another round of some rather pleasurable physical interactions, and sometimes it would be the very thing needed to unseat a troublesome thought in his mind for a case, leading to a breakthrough and an enthusiastic kiss and the loss of the sheets on the bed as he’d steal them to wrap around himself to deal with the end of the case, much to her amusement. And then there were times of just quiet settling. Those were his favorite moments, when his mind stopped whirring and he could enjoy her and him and the moment as it was.

But it was always a fleeting thing. He knew, come daybreak, or even before then, clothing would be put back on and one of them would leave their sleeping lover alone and away they would leave. There was some sense of impermanence to their relationship. It had been months since Sherrinford, since their declarations had been wrenched from them, for better or worse, in his younger sister’s game, but they hadn’t said them again. It was just...there. They were a...thing. That day was a Day and they had moved on.

And it didn’t sit well with him sometimes, though he couldn’t explain _why_.

Maybe tonight, with this conversation...who knew? Maybe he could settle things in his head and with Molly to boot.

“I think there are very few things that could actually be coincidence,” he said, beginning to trace music notes on her arm, the notes he’d thought of for a new violin piece for her. A piece that might tell her more how he felt than he could, for all he knew.

“But is it fate?” she asked.

He leaned in and pressed a kiss to her shoulder. “I suppose. You could always look at us as an example of the universe plotting and planning and fighting for us. Pulling us together like magnets.”

“That’s true,” she said. “I tried to pull away, and we just ended up closer.” She moved her head as his lips trailed to her neck. “Would you have let me marry Tom? Would you have admitted how you felt if your sister hadn’t done what she did?”

“No,” he said. “I knew the day we solved crimes together I cared for you, far more than I should have. And I thought I had lost you. I think if I had been forced to see you so close to being with someone else, in a way where I would never be able to tell you how I felt, to see if you felt the same, I would have done everything in my power to put a stop to your marriage, even if you hated me afterward.”

She nodded. “I knew I wasn’t in love with him the way I should have been. I knew it wasn’t fair to marry him, not when I was allowing you to use my home as your bolt hole, not when I knew...”

He let his hand drift down her arm to her hand, then off her hand to her abdomen, pulling her against him. “It’s hard to say those words,” he said simply.

“Yes,” she said. “I hate that so much. I should be able to shout them from the rooftop and every time I want to say them I think of you, in that prison where she was, and that coffin, and I just...” She turned in his arms and buried her face in the crook of his neck. “It hurt so much to say them that day. And I meant them, and I still feel that way, and I know you do as well, but it’s just so hard to say them again.”

He nodded his head, rubbing his cheek against her head. She understood. She knew exactly how he felt. As happy as they were, as much as they did care, those three words were tainted.

Still. He could try.

He moved his lips towards her ear. “I do love you, Molly. And if you never tell me the same, I understand. But I will try to tell you as much as I can, just so you always know.”

Molly pulled her head away, and when he looked at her again he saw tears in her eyes. “Oh, Sherlock,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper before she was kissing him earnestly, showing that even if the words might never come from her lips again, she did love him, and she loved him so very much, and she would show him she loved him for as long as they were together as often as he needed.

They may not both be able to verbalize, but they both knew they loved each other, he realized as he began to roll her over onto her back, and that was all that mattered.


End file.
